


Wishful

by Marien



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-21
Updated: 2005-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-25 06:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1635941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marien/pseuds/Marien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story by Marien</p><p>Edmund and Caspian,might-have-beens and moments aboard the Dawn Treader</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishful

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SullenSiren

 

 

Worlds And Wishing

The Dawn Treader sailed away from Deathwater Island. Caspian stared out at the icy blue waves, somewhat lost in thought.

Edmund approached him.Quietly,the onetime King of Narnia waited for Caspian to notice Edmund's presence,not wishing to intrude.

"What is it, cousin?" Caspian asked. He didn't turn to face Edmund.  
Edmund looked past him, just in time to see a dolphin leap from the water.  
He laughed softly.  
Caspian followed his gaze and smiled. "Playful,mischiefmakers they are."

"Show-offs,we'd call them at home," Edmund agreed.  
He relaxed a little, coming to stand by the rail, leaning against it.  
"Being a king isn't the same there as here," Edmund mused . "Not these days.  
The time when they ruled and had to answer to no one passed a long time ago."

Caspian gave him a blank stare. "I answer to my subjects, to my advisors, to the other nobles in Narnia, though there aren't many of those." He paused. "To you and Lucy."

Edmund shook his head. "It's not the same thing."

"Isn't it?" A challenging note entered Caspian's tone. "How so?"

"I may not be your subject, Caspian,but neither do I wish to rule over you." Some of the old strength, the firmness that a king needed, reentered Edmund's voice when he met his friend's sharp gaze.  
There had been some awkwardness between them from the first day he, Lucy, and Eustace found themselves in Narnia. It couldn't be easy. Caspian had had no real preparation for being a king. Nor did he have an older brother and sisters to share the burden with him. There could only be one King to hold a Narnian throne now.

He shook his head. "We are friends, or so I'd thought.You don't trust me?"

Caspian hesitated long enough to draw a questioning, and then worried, glance from Edmund.

"It isn't that," he said.

"Then what?" Edmund held out a hand. "What's worrying at you? There IS something.I'm not blind, cousin." Deliberately using Caspian's term for them. Family. Disagreements wouldn't change that.

"Why did...none of you four ever marry?" asked Caspian, abruptly. He pushed away from the rail.

Edmund didn't question the change of subject.He let his arm drop to his side. "Calormen's prince did offer for Susan once. She didn't care for him. The rest of us..."he shrugged, gestured helplessly. "We all held back. I think a part of us,in our hearts, knew that we would have to return to our own world someday.We couldn't promise to stay forever, for the rest of our lives."

Caspian flinched. "I will.Sometime." He rubbed at one arm. "They've been after me to take a queen. Or were before I set sail."

"Oh, is THAT why you wanted to come personally on this quest?" Edmund chuckled,but his expression was sympathetic. "Pity Peter isn't here, he could give you lessons on dodging featherbrained girls.Though Susan or Lucy would remind us that boys can be just as silly."

"Yes. I shouldn't have, should I?" Caspian sighed.

Edmund considered seriously. "There's your cousin, Teriz. Your uncle's son. If you have no children, you still have a possible heir."

"He's still so young, barely five years old. If anything happened to me, it would be Miraz all over again, or could be, without a Queen. I know my duties, I only--I'd wished I could choose someone to love as well as wed. You four were lucky, I think..."

"I'm not sure it's a matter of luck, good or bad. Love's not like picking out one's favorite dessert off a bakery window. It tends to find you, not the other way around."

"Oh. Have you--someone, back home?" Caspian flushed. "In your world? I didn't mean--"

"No. Not so far."

Caspian watched Edmund, a strange look on his face. He straightened. Moved away from the side. One of the sailors came around a corner. Caspian waited until the man had walked past the spot where they stood.

He turned to Edmund. "I usually practice sword drills each morning about now. Care to join me?" He smiled, faintly malicious. "I promise not to invite Eustace to watch."

Edmund snickered. "Thanks for that." He pushed to his feet, following Caspian inside the King's cabin.  
There wasn't much room to move about, even in Caspian's room. Barely enough to move about as they sparred. Edmund had to work to keep up. He'd joined the fencing club at school this year, but even so, he couldn't drill every day.

After perhaps half an hour, Caspian called a halt. Edmund didn't protest. Only good reflexes had saved him from being struck a lethal "hit" several times. Caspian, like a well-trained fighter, didn't hold back against an opponent. If Edmund couldn't handle what the other man gave out, he should have declined the invitation to spar.  
He'd enjoyed watching the man at 'work'. Like a dancer or athlete. Graceful and strong.

"Well played," Caspian said, sincerely. He frowned. "Your neck--did I do that?" A new, medium sized bruise was purpling on the spot just above Edmund's collarbone.

"Aaah, I've had worse." Edmund cleaned his sword and sheathed it.  
When he looked up, Caspian was standing next to him, barely a handspan separating the two. Edmund set down the sheathed sword. He waited.

Caspian reached as if to touch Edmund's shoulder, then withdrew. He started to turn away.  
Edmund's hand locked around Caspian's wrist. "No."

"...what?"

"Caspian, a King doesn't run from an enemy. Or from the truth." He stared the man down. "He may keep secrets, when needed, but lying to himself is a luxury that'll be paid for in blood sooner or later. Believe me, I know that for certain."

He thought about Caspian's edginess, the not-quite- understood body language, as if he wanted to touch but felt he shouldn't. Remembered the looks in a few boys' eyes at his school in England, the older classmen. He wasn't old enough to have done more than ask questions, back there, but Peter and their father had done their best to answer those questions straightforwardly.  
Feelings were harder to understand--but being alone, wasn't. Edmund was only too familiar with that emotion.

He wouldn't push Caspian away. He wasn't sure of anything else, of what was the right thing to do in these circumstances; but he wouldn't, couldn't do that.  
He released his grip on Caspian's wrist. Stepped closer, putting his arm around the other man's shoulders.

Caspian stiffened. Edmund hugged him, letting concern show in his face. Gradually, Caspian relaxed. "I shouldn't--"

"Love's where you find it," Edmund reminded him."That may not always be where your duties lead you. You'll have to choose between the two sometime, yes. But not today."

Silence for a moment. Edmund stood still, breathing in the morning air, the scents and noises that came with it. Sea spray, smoke, a mix of spices and earth that said 'Caspian' to him, though he'd never paid much attention before now.

Caspian returned the hug. Edmund could feel his breathing speed up a trifle. Then Caspian turned his head, shyly kissed the man's cheek. Started to move to bring his lips to Edmund's, when the older gave him a reassuring smile. His hands slid to rest at the small of Edmund's back, tentative, caressing upward.

A creaking noise warned them just in time to separate before the door behind them swung open. Lucy entered the room, glancing at them. Edmund choked back angry words.

The rest of the day, they had no chance to be alone. Nor that evening or night.  
Caspian seemed more distant for the next week. That stung Edmund, but if he was honest, he understood why his friend might react that way. He had learned to be patient if nothing else, while he was King Edmund the Just, all those years ago.

Then. They came to an island with sleeping lords, a star turned to a man, and his daughter. Edmund reined in his words when he saw the Star's daughter and Caspian together. He didn't remark on Caspian's promise to come back to her.

That night, he dreamed. He couldn't remember all of it. Aslan's face. A sense of regret, but also comfort. " _Even Kings are not always forced to choose one or the other. Don't begrudge Caspian his happiness, or that someone else can bring him that, my son."_

The day after that, they came to the waters at the edge of the world. Sweet taste to wash away bitter news and tears, when Caspian was told by Aslan that he could not continue on his quest, but that Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace would go on without him and not return.

Edmund hugged him goodbye, but no more closely than a brother might. Their moment had come and gone. He hoped that at least, Caspian would be happy, wouldn't feel the need to be ashamed of caring for anyone, but it was out of his hands now.  
And that might be for the best.

They rowed away. He didn't let himself look back.

Aslan found them at the Edge Of The World. Edmund managed to smile. He kept a polite mask in place when Lucy asked the Lion when they would be able to return to Narnia.  
Didn't weep when the answer was given. He understood only too well why they were 'too old'.  
He followed his sister and Eustace through the door in the sky, and went last, not wanting them to see his face as he took a last glance back at the sea.

 

 

 


End file.
